Am I the right counsellor for you?
Family and responsibility.
I am a parent and qualified counsellor, so I understand how difficult it is to balance work and home. Holding all those feelings of responsibility, for the family. Having no time for yourself or your partner, and trying to do everything right.
For myself I was finding it difficult as a parent to a child with special educational needs, and studying. I felt unsupported and alone, although I am married, and my husband is supportive, I felt every school meeting, appointment, form to be filled in was my responsibility.
As a parent I felt I should automatically know what was going on with my children and understand their needs. It took time for me to learn to recognise my sons behaviours, and understand his way of thinking. Training as a counsellor gave me further insight into thought patterns. How our life events and situations impact on our behaviours.
To help me I completed a level three course in understanding individuals with autism. Leading to an increased understanding of the world in which he lives. Completing this has a positive impact on the relationship with my family.
One of my grandchildren also has difficulties, this impacts on her both at home and in school. Getting the right support from family, school, and outside agencies can be a huge challenge, another challenge on the ever growing list that we already have.
As mums we are expected to know all the answers, and the reality is we don’t! We are not mind readers, or fortune tellers, however we punish ourselves, telling ourselves we should do better. Why do we do this?
Understanding and insight as a parent and counsellor.
Every where we look, we seem to see others who can do it better, or they look better, have more money, bigger or tidier house than we do. Their kids are not screaming, hanging out the pushchair, or throwing themselves around on the floor. All those disapproving looks from people walking past don’t help with our self confidence either.
Let`s explore this, so how do we know what they`re thinking? We don’t because we cant read peoples minds. If we knew our child was going to have a meltdown every time we would try and avoid or ease the situation, we cant because we are not mind readers. If we were we would all be millionaires after winning the lottery.
I have learnt that I cant avoid every difficult situation, or please everyone. Saying no feels good, after i got over the awkwardness of it. However, by prioritizing tasks, and understanding that I cant do everything and recognising that I am not superhuman helps.
I feel I can relate to the parents out there who are struggling with the idea of finding themselves again, and not feeling inadequate comparing themselves to others. I know I lost some of who I was after having children.
Give your self a break, and acknowledged how well your doing, focus on a positive thing you did today.
Give yourself a pat on the back, its not easy but because being you is enough.
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